dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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