I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
