We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
