Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
