he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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