i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
