Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
