I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
