That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
