I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
