The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
