tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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