That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
