Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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