that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
