Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
