Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
