God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
