I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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