i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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