he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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