It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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