We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
