what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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