Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
