I got chris browned last night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
