my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
