He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
