I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
