when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
