More tranny stories later!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You took a bar mat shot.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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