If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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