After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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