He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
