Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
