He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
