If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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