I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
