If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize