Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
