whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
