You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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