..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
