It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
