Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
