Got a toothbrush?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
