I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Drunk is not a location!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
