hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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