I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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