I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
