Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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