I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
