I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Shame - the story of my life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
