IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
