drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
