I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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