i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
