I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I didn't shave. On purpose
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
