Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
